One of my practice specialty areas is couples and marital therapy.  In the progression of a committed relationship, it is normal to experiences challenges.  Couples often expect their relationship to always remain the same, without the need for change and without any challenges.  Every living system, including a romantic relationship, evolves.  The issue is not that there are challenges in our relationships, the issue is whether we have the skills to address changes or concerns, and continue to have a mutually satisfying relationship.  For example, a couple may have had a happy relationship until they got married, or they may have had a happy relationship until they had children.  Some couples look back and make such conclusions as “had we not gotten married, our relationship would have still been great,” or “children have really strained our relationship.”  Those conclusions are not well-founded.  Relationship difficulties are not due to commitment or children, they are due to a lack of skill in navigating through stages of change within the relationship.

In my work with couples I create a safe atmosphere in which they can discuss their challenges, receive unbiased feedback, and learn new skills.  Relationship issues commonly addressed include:

-         Pre-marital counseling

-         Communication

-         Conflict resolution

-         Emotional disconnection and desire for a more passionate relationship

-         Desire for deeper intimacy

-         Unfulfilled attachment and bonding

-         Sexual orientation

-         Retirement and other lifestyle transitions

-         Differences in racial, cultural, or religious background

-         Chronic illness

-         Infidelity or fear/suspicion of infidelity

-         Deciding whether to work on the relationship or terminate it

-         Terminating a relationship in a healthy manner to reduce the amount of hurt, and to minimize negative impact on children

In couples and marital therapy we explore both current circumstances that fuel the challenges, and deeply rooted beliefs that cause conflicts in the relationship.  We are all products of our past relationships and, at times and without our conscious awareness, we re-create old and unhealthy relationship dynamics.  We do so because those are the only ways we know to respond to certain challenges.  Since unconscious tendencies can lead to many relationship difficulties, conscious realization of those tendencies can be instrumental in improving our relationships.  That is one of the goals we will pursue in couples and marital therapy.  Other goals often include the deepening of attachment and bonding, developing skills for better communication, for conflict resolution, for self-care within the relationship, and for celebrating each other and the relationship.